A great turnout this week at Symposium Cafe for burger night! Symposium is one of Widowed Friends sponsors, so we are thrilled that so many came out to enjoy each other’s company at this great, friendly spot! It was $5 burger night – a great deal for everyone. Check out the pics from the evening!
It was a great pasta event on Saturday as a big crowd turned out at Dominic’s house for dinner. Lots of salad, pasta and wine were served and everyone enjoyed getting together over the long weekend. Many thanks to Dominic for hosting and cooking. Check out the pics here:
If you attended last month’s Sunday Social at Hamptons, then you’ve been Snapd! Snapd is a publication that covers many local events in Halton.
We were thrilled to have Snapd’s Mary Dilly attend our Sunday event and take some pictures of our members enjoying each other’s company. The article is live online now so check it out and see if your pic is on Snapd! Many thanks to Snapd and Mary for covering our event!
Here’s the link to the article!
No matter how old you are or what your life circumstances might be, we can all still build resilience as we face life’s ups and downs.
Resilience is a speciality of management and psychology professor Dr. Adam Grant who co-wrote Option B with Sheryl Sandberg. He was recently interviewed in the New York Times regarding resilience building in mid-life. The good news is he thinks that it’s never too late to develop those skills that will help see you through life’s peaks and valleys.
You can read the article in more detail but his main points include:
- Practice optimism – consider being a glass half full kind of person instead of a glass half empty and surround yourselves with similar optimistic people ( like Widowed Friends!) and you’ll feel more optimistic.
- Rewrite Your Own Story – focus on the opportunities you have in life and not on the things that have happened and that you can’t change. It takes a bit of time to reframe your thoughts, but with practice you can learn to find that silver lining in the dark cloud
- Don’t personalize setbacks – everyone has moments of misfortune or reversals – remember to focus on what you can do going forward in a positive way
- Remember your own “comebacks” – we all have a tendency to focus on what we haven’t done well, but it helps to take some time to think about what we also have succeeded at in our lives.
- Support others – this is the core principle of Widowed Friends! We get together to support each other and to provide strength and caring to help us all move forward positively with our lives.
- Take a stress break – ensure that you are doing the things you enjoy, so your mind and body get a chance to recuperate from life’s stresses
- Get out of your comfort zone – for many of us that might be attending a first Widowed Friends event, or going on a vacation or trying something new. Each time you try something new, you build confidence in your abilities which helps build resilience.
Do you think you’ve re-built resilience following loss? What tips can you share for people who are looking for ways to become stronger and happier? Share your tips in the comments section and we’ll post them.
Here’s a little bit of inspiration for the week from Aubry Hoffman. What’s your favourite piece of inspiration? Share it with us in the comments box below or send it to us and we’ll add it to our website!
You are enough, right now, exactly as you are. You don’t have to do anything to prove your worth. You don’t have to accomplish more, do more, or reach a certain level of success. You don’t have to behave perfectly. You are worthy simply because you exist as a human being on this planet. There is room for you and all your messiness and confusion and pain.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all in this together; we are all just walking each other home.
Are you confused about your life purpose? You don’t have to figure it all out today or tomorrow or next year. Trust that you are living your purpose right now, that the questions are part of the journey and the journey is your purpose. You don’t need an impressive career. Whatever small or large thing you are doing now, changing diapers or cleaning houses or crunching numbers, it’s all important, it’s all perfectly part of the plan.
Are your relationships in shambles? Are you afraid you’ll be alone? Become really still for a moment and know you aren’t alone. Know that no one has this romance thing figured out. Even the people that seem like they do still go to bed lonely sometimes. Become really still and know that no matter who you are, no matter who you love, no matter what you’ve done, there is a love so much bigger than your romances. A love that holds this tiny planet together, a love that transcends time and space and understanding, a love that is you and that will always be with you. Let this love hold you.
Have you done something you think is unforgivable? Do you hide in shame and guilt? Come into the light, speak your truth, you will find the light shines kindly on those who seek help. Know that you were doing the best you could in that moment.
There are generations of abuse and lies and pain that many of us are fighting to rise out of and away from. So make your apologizes, release the guilt and shame and keep moving forward so we all can be free.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. In the end it will never get you where you want to go. Practice radical self- acceptance and self -love. Determine to love yourself so completely, so fully that everyone you come in contact with will feel loved simply by being around you.
Embrace your beautiful body. Show it love. Feed it well. Give it rest. Move it often. Love every bump and lump and stretch mark. They tell the story of you. The story of a human being traveling through life, a life marked by tragedy, exhaustion, new beginnings, endings, birth, successes, failures, countless lessons and adventures. All along the way your beautiful body is there for the ride, housing your spirit and witnessing your journey. Love your body.
And remember; you are enough, exactly as you are.
We started with a wine tour in the basement at Cave Springs Winery , sampling a couple of whites and a red wine, learning how to swirl and sniff the wine before downing a glass. Our expert guide from the winery led the WFH group on an interesting tour around the historic wine cellar and shared the story of Cave Springs Winery.
Following the tour, the group enjoyed a delicious 3 course lunch from Inn on the Twenty’s fixed price menu in a quiet private dining area reserved for us. We needed to walk a few calories off after lunch, so a little shopping along Jordan’s lovely main street worked perfectly. Many of us purchased some Cave Springs wine as well, so watch for it at upcoming pot lucks – it’s delicious!
Thanks to Chet and Anna who volunteered to drive a couple of groups as well as members who came from some distance to be part of the afternoon. A great way to spend a Saturday afternoon!
As you sit on your deck or balcony or in some lovely shaded backyard, it’s nice to have some good reading material to pass the time.
We have found a few articles we thought might be of interest to you, that aren’t exactly relaxing, but might be informative.
We often get asked about scams and viruses when we use our electronic devices. There seems to be an endless variety of approaches the bad guys try to gain access to personal info. This article from Forbes is focused on helping adult children prepare their aging parents against some of the scams out there and of course this is an American take on the issue, but we face similar issues in Canada and there are some good tips here that we can all put into practice.
Another good read is the website Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen. Her latest blog post is entitled I Used to Compare My Old Life With My New One – maybe a topic that will resonate with you.
And as long as we’re talking about grief and loss, Option B’s website has a good article by Rachel Roth about the profound wisdom and harsh realities of loss.
On a lighter note….here’s psychologist Shawn Achor discussing how to find happiness (he talks fast!). What are you reading this summer – let us know in the comments section.
Recently, Scott Strapp from National Bank Financial kindly shared his time and knowledge with Widowed Friends at a Financial Health Information workshop.
Many expressed an interest in learning more about what Scott shared so we thought we’d do a brief Q&A with him to provide a little more info. If you’d like to contact Scott directly he can be reached at email@example.com.
Q. We all want a happy well-funded retirement. Some of us may be already retired, while others are still in the workforce. What do you suggest is the best way to prepare financially for a long and happy post work life?
A. There is no crystal ball about what is the best, safest path to take. I tell all my clients that the single most important thing anyone can do when considering their financial future is to focus on their goals, both long and short term. It’s only by identifying what is important to you and what you really want out of life that you can start to build your plan. Once you know what means the most to you – where you want to spend your time and available resources, we can then start putting together a plan which will help you achieve these goals.
Q. With all the political upheaval and change happening all around the world, is it safe to invest in the markets?
A. For every negative news story, there’s always a positive story somewhere that is being ignored. Negative sells ratings, positive often does not. Remember that with negative times or news comes potential opportunity. The speed of change is only increasing. We cannot be afraid of it, we must embrace it. An example is the explosive growth of Amazon. They are redefining retail today. Companies need to adapt or they will fade away. The decline of Sears Canada is a case in point. In modern retail, they are largely irrelevant. As a result, they are fading from the scene. Going back to the original question, there has always been global political upheaval and change throughout history. These occurrences have always provided for investment opportunities.
Q. What if I don’t have substantial funds but am still interested in the financial market?
A. The same principle applies to everyone. What are your goals and what do you need to do to maximize your funds to meet that goal. Everyone can benefit from going through a visualization exercise – identifying what’s important to you, determining what your goals are and then evaluating a route to achieve your goals. Realistically evaluating your financials is important but the critical factor is to identify your goals and what is important to you. Everything else comes after that.
Q. Do you have any recommendations that anyone can do to improve their financial security?
A. I think TFSA’s (Tax Free Savings Accounts) are not utilized as fully as they should be. Everyone has the opportunity to invest up to $5500 a year to a current maximum of $52000. When you pull money out, it is tax free, unlike both RRSPs and RRIFs which are taxed on withdrawal. What is commonly not known is that if you remove funds from a TFSA, not only are you able to contribute the fresh $5,500 the following year, but you are also able to re-contribute every penny that you withdrew the previous year. In addition, you can hold most kind of investments in a TFSA. The Banks have been great having investors purchase GIC’s and High Interest Savings inside a TFSA. In my opinion, this is a poor use of a TFSA. There are other options which can provide greater cashflow and still meet risk tolerances. Overall, take advantage of this great savings tool. It can make a difference.
Q. As a widower or widow, do I have different financial considerations to be aware of than couples or singles?
A. The biggest issue we’ve found is that the widowed often receive too much advice from too many outside sources. These sources tend not to be objective as they could be, if they are looking at your financial resources as their’s. Surround yourself with one or two trusted advisors who focus strictly on you and what is best for you. Talk to them. Listen to them. Often, ideas are presented that you may not have previously considered.
Q. If someone is looking for a financial advisor, what questions should we ask to ensure the person is knowledgeable and working in our best interests?
A. There are a few do’s to ask your advisor and one don’t:
- Ask how they are paid (transparency with a client is very important)
- What is their process for managing money – do you agree with it or should you consider someone else
- What does your “gut” say – do you trust this person or not? Is it the right fit?
- Do they have a specialty? How do they put portfolios together. Some institutions may only have limited portfolio’s that the advisor must use – the cookie cutter approach – decide if that is acceptable to you.
- Do they have references?
- How will they communicate with you – what are your preferences?
- Will they put the time in to really get to know and understand you?
- Don’t ask what their rate of return is annually – it is a variable number that can change significantly depending the client’s goals and risk tolerances. Everyone is different. It follows that portfolio returns vary as well.
What do you think? Do you agree with Scott’s take on planning for our financial futures? Use the comments box to add your thoughts. Thank you Scott for taking the time to chat with us!
Huge thanks to Donna for hosting another big event at her house! Over 50 WFH members came out for a Canada Day celebration bbq and social.
Despite some discouraging rain in the afternoon, the sun finally returned and the party moved outside to Donna’s deck and patio to enjoy the green trees and lovely surroundings in the backyard.
A rousing rendition of Oh Canada was sung by the crowd….in the rain!! We are a hardy bunch!
Thanks as well to all the many helpers who brought enough food to feed several armies and to all the organizers, dishwashers, and clean up crew including Dorothy, Stephanie, Glenda, Henny, Penny, Lesley and of course the amazing Donna, who hosted, cooked and organized simultaneously.
Happy Canada Day!
Stephanie opened her home once again for a Friday night pizza extravaganza! With hor d’oeuvres, appetizers, desserts and wine provided by attendees, and pizza a la Dominoes, it was a real feast!
Check out the pics from the warm, summery evening here:
It’s finally summer and we’ve got a busy season coming up!
This month there is golf at Millcroft Golf Club, dinner at Baranga’s on the Beach , a birthday party for a special person and lots more. ( Be sure to let Penny know if you are attending the birthday bash on Saturday).
Kicking off July 1 with a bang, Donna will be hosting Canada Day celebrations at her house. Be sure to wear red and white to celebrate the big 150! Thank you Donna!
There are lots of dinners to attend in July and a special fun event will be lunch at Inn on the Twenty/Winery on July 15th. It was a great event last year so we’re looking forward to another fun day in Jordan!
Golf has been scheduled again at Rock Chapel in July so if you love golf be sure to sign up when it is listed on meet up.
Halton Dance Party is revving up for the summer season too with events on July 8th, August 12th and September 9th. Be sure to purchase your ticket well in advance of each event as the dances are very popular and we have limited capacity! Just ask Dorothy for tickets and payment details.
Have a great summer!
Widowed Friends recently participated in Carpenter Hospice’s 9th annual Hike for the Hospice.
Carpenter Hospice offers both residential-based care to people in the last stages of their lives, and community-based programs for people dealing with grief or a life-limiting illness. It lets residents spend their final days together with loved ones in an environment that is peaceful, comfortable and meaningful.
Walking just 4.7 kilometres through neighbourhoods around the hospice, the Widowed Friends team raised over $1000 for the organization. The weather co-operated nicely and the crowd of over 400 made their way around the course easily, stopping mid-way to add the name of a loved one to the remembrance wall. Arriving back at Mountainside Recreation Centre, everyone was treated to lunch provided by a great team of volunteers.
Thanks to all the participants for coming out on a Saturday morning to support a great cause.
With thanks to the Option B website, here’s a video the site shared that we thought might be of interest to you. It’s just over 17 minutes long. Let us know your thoughts in the comments section. Do you agree with Nancy Berns’s thoughts on closure?
Well if Galileo’s quote is true, we were drinking a lot of sunlight through intermittent downpours of rain at Peller Estates Party in the Vineyard last weekend.
A big event, the Party in the Vineyard is an annual Victoria Day tradition bringing in crowds to Peller’s huge estate. It featured about 20 different food trucks offering a wide variety of gourmet offerings from fancy grilled cheese sandwiches, to burgers and sausages to ice cream treats, paired with award-winning VQA Peller wines. There was entertainment ongoing throughout the evening and when the weather was un-cooperative, dinner was also available at the Winery’s Barrel House Grill which several attendees enjoyed.
As you can see, Widowed Friends had fun, despite the damp conditions. A big thank you to all the drivers who generously car pooled several groups to and from the event. A great way to spend a Victoria Day Sunday! To view the pictures, just click on any picture to open the slideshow.
Many thanks to Stephanie for hosting another great get together at her house. Forty-five people turned out for an evening of friendship, fantastic food and fun on a chilly Saturday evening. Thanks also to Dominic for “manning” the BBQ, and to all who contributed delicious appetizers, salads and desserts. A great team of volunteers also helped organize, serve and tidy up after dinner, so all that remained were baggies filled with delicious leftovers for everyone to take home.
Special guest was Miss Shyla, Stephanie’s new border collie/golden retriever. Her canine contributions included being available for lots of pats and hugs – a great addition to any party!
Here are some pics from the event. Just click on any picture to open the slideshow.
Hosted by the Drake Pub the British Invasion is a four-piece band from Toronto specializing in The Rolling Stones, The Who, The Kinks, The Zombies and of course, Beatles’ songs ranging from 1962 to 1969
In combination with great British pub food, it was a night to remember for a group from Widowed Friends who came for the music, food and fun. Check out the pictures below – just click on any picture to open the slide show.
Many thanks to Vishan for opening his house on a rainy Sunday for a potluck feast. With so many members attending and everyone bringing a contribution, there was enough food to feed a couple of small armies! A great team of volunteers ensured all the food kept warm, then helped serve and organize the numerous dishes and then followed up by cleaning all the dishes, so everyone was able to take home clean casseroles and serving dishes. It was a great warm and welcoming way to spend the afternoon!
Check out the pictures – just click on any picture to open the slideshow!
Two years ago, Facebook Chief Operating Officer, Sheryl Sandberg lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. Learning to manage through the loss, find the resilience to move forward and feel joy again is the subject of her new book, Option B. Here she discusses the book which is to be published shortly. Let us know your thoughts in the comments section. Do you agree with her or were your experiences different?